I Came, I Saw, I Pooped

Sometimes, when I’m on set, they have these upgraded port-o-potties. Ever been in one? This is what they’re like.

5 for Cleanliness - This particular bathroom only gets a five for cleanliness. Normally these things are kept very clean because you never know if a producer, director or actor is going to end up in one. The day I entered was not a shooting day. It was a prep day so the bathroom wasn’t cleaned. The garbage was overflowing and the sink was crusty but I’ve seen much worse and it didn’t hinder the enjoyment of my poop.

3 for Comfort - This thing is tiny. I barely fit inside and kept banging my knees. Also, it was a cold day for an outdoor bathroom. I was literally shivering. Combine that with the questionable cleanliness and it makes for an uncomfortable ride. I’m a little neurotic so I was worried the whole time that someone would come to clean while I was in it. How awesome is that? I’m uncomfortable that it’s dirty AND scared someone might clean it.

10 for X-factor - Forget the weird signage or the fact that it is a bathroom on wheels. The X-factor here comes from the graffiti! Someone left a blue crayon in the bathroom. Someone else did 24” X 24” bubble letters next to the napkin dispenser. This is where it gets good. A third person came in the bathroom and got SO MAD at the graffiti that they used the blue crayon to write STUPID on the bubble letters. YOU WROTE GRAFFITI TO PROVE HOW MUCH YOU HATE GRAFFITI! That’s like bombing for world peace or fucking for virginity you silly sad person. Genuine irony will always garner a ten for x-factor from me.

This bathroom’s overall score is a 6.

If you want to see a bathroom like this you should get a job on a movie set or rent one from the vendor. Word.